When Expectations Bite

Hi, Friend.

Ever experience the pinch and bite expectations can deliver? Assuming you’re human, I’ll answer for you, yes! We all have. Some of us on a regular basis.

Gathering with eight women for a night of burritos and games is a good thing. With the table cleared of plates and salsa, one of the women pulled out the game of things.

The Reader pulls a card. The rest of us ready our pens and slip of paper to respond to the instruction. When every player has turned in their response, the Reader shares the anonymous answers. The object is for each one of us to try and guess who wrote that particular answer. Sounds reasonable enough, right?

The Reader finished giving the instructions and lifted the first card from the stack. “Name something you shouldn’t touch.”

Heads down, pens plunged into action.

My mind hit a spin cycle. Do I go for an obvious answer that’s sure to be overused? Like cactus? Or do I go for an answer that addresses relational things or issues you shouldn’t touch? Husband’s razor? Your daughter’s new tattoo? Meanwhile, the other seven women had captured an answer and turned in their slips of paper.

“Do I have everyone’s answers?” The Reader counted the slips of paper folded in front of her. “I’m missing one.”

I lifted my gaze from my blank canvas. “Uh, I’m still working on mine.”

“Mona? This should be an easy game for you…a writer.”

“Oh, yeah, this game should be right up your alley.”

Everyone giggled but me. Heat rushed up my neck. I didn’t have to let their expectations spoken in innocence bite me. But I did.

Next thing I knew I was drowning myself with shoulds. They’re right, you call yourself a writer, you should be able to breeze through this game. You should be the first to answer, not the last one. In fact, yours should be the wittiest answer of all.

Whoa! My reaction caught me off guard. Sixty-something now…will I never learn?

Ever do that to yourself? Take the expectations of those around you–family, friends, foes, colleagues, and beat yourself up with them? Let your own assumptions sneak into your emotionally tender spots and bite you? Paralyze you with the fear that you don’t measure up?

Next thing I knew I was drowning myself with shoulds. They’re right, you call yourself a writer, you should be able to breeze through this game. You should be the first to answer, not the last one. In fact, yours should be the wittiest answer of all.

I’ve stood on the other side of assumption and expectation too. The side where I placed unrealistic expectations on someone else. My husband, my daughters, my sisters, my friends.

During my stuck and stalled moment, I did the only thing I know to do.

Lord, You’re my source. Help me get unstuck. Fast. Please.

I went with “cactus.” So what if it was a bit cliche. I’m an Arizona girl and my bestseller is Bedtime in the Southwest. Cactus makes sense. I was so sure the first one to guess would pin me with cactus. Nope the last one of the other seven women–the leader, who has been on my Southwest branded website and given my books to her grandkids.

Such a great evening of fun and fellowship, despite my brief battle with myself. My fresh encounter with the pressure of measuring myself with other peoples’ expectations served as an important reminder. My value comes from the inside out. From the Spirit of God who lives within me.

Father God, help us, Your children, to believe what You say to and about us. Thank You! It’s in Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Friend, how are you doing? How can I best be praying for you this week?

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